How Do You Get What You Want in Relationships — Do You Rebuke or Request?

Finally, she told Hunter, “I like being with you very much, so I think you’d want me to tell you about something I find disturbing. When you flirt with a waitress, I’m uncomfortable. I want to feel special to you, not like you’re attracted to someone else, whether or not I’m present.”Relationships Relationships Relationships Relationships Relationships

Hunter took her message to heart. He said, “It’s a bad habit. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. It’s my insecurity showing. I think I do the flirting to prove that women find me attractive. I won’t do it again.”

Had she withheld her feelings and her request, Lynn probably would have built up a grudge and ended the relationship. Instead, she gave him a gift: the opportunity to correct his behavior.

Maybe you feel annoyed by someone who regularly interrupts you, is often late, or forgets your birthday. Whatever is important enough to address in order to keep the two of you on an even keel is grist for a respectful conversation that focuses on what you would like him to do next or from now on.Relationships Relationships Relationships Relationships Relationships

Accepting Requests Graciously

In a good relationship, requests go both ways. What if he says, for example, that he dislikes being interrupted by you, that it makes him lose his train of thought? You may have a knee-jerk reaction to feel offended. But if he’s telling the truth respectfully, thank him, even if he doesn’t add the ideal, “I’d like you to be patient so I can finish speaking before you respond.”

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